Polling Shows Majority Afraid to Speak—Experts Call It ‘Progress’
Fear rebranded as empathy. A new national poll reveals that most citizens now hesitate to share their opinions publicly—a milestone
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Wednesday, May 13, 2026
Latest:
- Experts Warn Saying ‘Good Job’ Creates Unfair Performance Expectations
- Neighborhood Declares Curfews ‘Authoritarian’ — Teens Now Governed by Vibes
- Nationwide Study Finds Most Adults Are Just Exhausted From Pretending This All Makes Sense
- City Renames ‘Failure’ as ‘Pre-Success’ to Improve Morale
- Museum Removes Historical Timeline — Visitors Free to Experience the Past in Any Order They Feel
General
Weather Declared Offensive — Activists Demand Climate Be More Emotionally Predictable
In a stunning rebuke of nature itself, a coalition of climate justice activists announced this week that weather is officially
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Study Finds 97% of Offense Comes From People Looking For Something to Be Offended By
A groundbreaking new study released by the Institute of Social Sensitivity has revealed that 97% of all modern offense is
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School District Removes the Alphabet for Being ‘Too Letterist’ — Students Encouraged to Use Interpretive Sounds Instead
The Willowdale Unified School District announced sweeping changes this week after determining that the traditional alphabet is “too letterist” and
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Pantone Announces ‘Cloud White’ as Color of the Year — Activists Immediately Declare It Racist
Pantone, the global authority on color, unveiled its highly anticipated Color of the Year this week: a soft, airy shade
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University Replaces Traditions With Daily ‘Feel-Good Circles’ — Commencement Now Requires No Caps, Gowns, or Destiny
In what faculty describe as a “historic advancement in emotional scholarship,” Eastridge Progressive University announced it is officially replacing all
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Activist Claims America Is Terrible While Using iPhone, Amazon Prime, Air Conditioning, And Freedom
In an inspiring display of deeply conflicted principles, self-proclaimed activist Riley Emberstorm went viral this week after passionately declaring that
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Nation Shocked as Biologists Discover Men and Women Still Exist Despite Years of Activism
In a scientific development that has left activists reeling and common-sense Americans shrugging, a team of biologists at Redwood State
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City Defunds Police, Shocked To Learn Criminals Didn’t Get The Memo
In a surprising turn of events that no reasonable adult could have predicted, officials in the city of Clearwater Heights
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