Nation Shocked as Biologists Discover Men and Women Still Exist Despite Years of Activism

In a scientific development that has left activists reeling and common-sense Americans shrugging, a team of biologists at Redwood State University announced yesterday that men and women—brace yourselves—still exist.

The discovery came after a three-year, grant-funded study titled Project Identify Your Identity, initially created to prove that biological sex was nothing more than “a suggestion with good lighting.” Unfortunately for the research team, the data stubbornly refused to cooperate.

“We were genuinely stunned,” said lead researcher Dr. Willow Fernbrook, holding back visible disappointment. “Every time we examined a human being, we found… well… male or female. After all the activism, all the hashtags, all the TikTok explainers—we really thought nature would’ve updated itself by now.”

The announcement immediately triggered a nationwide emotional meltdown.

Activist groups expressed outrage, disappointment, and confusion in that order. Several demanded the biologists “retract nature,” calling the findings “dangerous,” “regressive,” and “incompatible with the future we are trying to manifest.”

“This is a major setback,” said social engineer Skylar Prism. “We’ve worked very hard to replace reality with feelings, and now these rogue scientists are bringing facts into the conversation. It’s honestly very triggering.”

Meanwhile, average Americans greeted the discovery with a collective, “Well, yeah.”

Local machinist Joe Martin said, “I could’ve saved them the grant money. Just walk into any high school gym class. It’s not that complicated.”

In a desperate attempt to soften the backlash, the university offered a follow-up workshop titled Feelings: The Final Frontier—but attendance was low after participants learned the class would not include free lattes or therapy puppies.

Still, Dr. Fernbrook insists the research will continue.

“We’re hoping that if we throw enough activism at the problem, biology might eventually surrender. But for now, men and women appear to be sticking around.”

Activist groups have already begun circulating petitions demanding nature be “held accountable.”

As of press time, nature has declined to comment.

Because someone has to say it.

#BeforeStupid #Gender #Activism