Experts Warn Saying ‘Good Job’ Creates Unfair Performance Expectations
Applause downgraded to silent affirmation.
Child development specialists issued new recommendations this week cautioning adults against telling anyone they did a “good job,” warning that such language may create dangerous expectations of continued competence.
“Praise implies a standard,” one expert explained. “And standards imply the possibility of not meeting them.”
Instead of verbal encouragement, adults are urged to practice silent affirmation, a method involving calm eye contact, slow nodding, and supportive breathing.
Participation trophies will now be replaced with participation awareness.
Schools are already adapting. Teachers report they no longer grade assignments, choosing instead to “witness academic journeys.”
Sports leagues have eliminated scoreboards. At the end of games, players gather in circles and acknowledge the existence of effort.
Parents are being retrained to avoid phrases such as “I’m proud of you,” which may imply an outcome-based relationship. Acceptable alternatives include “I observe you,” and “I honor your process.”
Experts maintain the shift will create healthier adults. “When no one expects anything,” one consultant said, “no one ever disappoints anyone.”
