Major CEO Says His Company Is ‘Fully Anti-Woke’ — Employees Rejoice, Cancelled Coffee Table Now Worth $5 Billion
Wall Street was sent into euphoria this week after TitanTech CEO Brock Ironwell boldly announced that his company is now
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Wednesday, May 13, 2026
Latest:
- Experts Warn Saying ‘Good Job’ Creates Unfair Performance Expectations
- Neighborhood Declares Curfews ‘Authoritarian’ — Teens Now Governed by Vibes
- Nationwide Study Finds Most Adults Are Just Exhausted From Pretending This All Makes Sense
- City Renames ‘Failure’ as ‘Pre-Success’ to Improve Morale
- Museum Removes Historical Timeline — Visitors Free to Experience the Past in Any Order They Feel
University Replaces Traditions With Daily ‘Feel-Good Circles’ — Commencement Now Requires No Caps, Gowns, or Destiny
In what faculty describe as a “historic advancement in emotional scholarship,” Eastridge Progressive University announced it is officially replacing all
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Activists Declare Ice Cream Cone ‘Culturally Insensitive’ Because It Has a Cone Shape — Government Issues Warning Memo
The nation entered its 27th food-related meltdown of the month after activist group Citizens for Ethical Dessert Geometry announced that
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Netflix Cancelled Because Show Had a Character Who Expressed an Opinion — Nation Furious at Free Speech
Chaos erupted this week after streaming giant Netflix was abruptly cancelled — not the show, but the entire platform —
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School Bans History — Students Now Required to Learn Feelings Instead of Facts
In a bold step toward shaping the most emotionally well-lubricated generation in human history, Chestnut Valley Unified School District announced
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Streaming Giant Introduces ‘Inclusion Tax’ — Your Monthly Invoice Now Includes Virtue Credits
In a move industry analysts describe as “peak 2025 nonsense,” streaming titan FlixFlare+ announced a new monthly surcharge called the
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Company Declares ‘Woke-Proof’ Hiring Policy — Applicants Now Must Threaten No One
In a bold attempt to cleanse its workplace of the emotional landmines of modern culture, tech manufacturer IronStone Analytics unveiled
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Experts Confirm TikTok Star With Purple Hair Knows Your Child Better Than You Do
In a groundbreaking development sure to reshape the future of parenting, leading social scientists announced this week that a 19-year-old
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Comedy Declared Illegal After Citizen Laughs Without First Filing Sensitivity Request Form
In a historic step toward achieving a humor-free utopia, federal regulators announced this week that comedy has officially been declared
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Society Decides Children Mature Enough For Adult Themes, But Not Enough To Skip Bedtime
In a move that experts are calling “bold, confusing, and possibly the result of too much soy in the national
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