Comedy Declared Illegal After Citizen Laughs Without First Filing Sensitivity Request Form
In a historic step toward achieving a humor-free utopia, federal regulators announced this week that comedy has officially been declared illegal following an incident in which a local citizen reportedly laughed without first submitting the required Sensitivity Request Form.
According to court documents, the offender — 52-year-old auto mechanic Timothy “Tim” Barnes — recklessly chuckled at a coworker’s lighthearted joke during lunch break, failing to obtain pre-approval from the Department of Inclusive Emotions.
“He laughed… unlicensed,” said lead Compliance Officer, Indigo Tidewell, shaking their head gravely. “The joke had not been reviewed, analyzed, or emotionally sanitized. This is how chaos starts.”
Under recently updated guidelines, all jokes must now be screened by a 27-person Joke Ethics Panel, ensuring the humor contains no trace of sarcasm, stereotypes, wordplay, cultural observations, irony, exaggeration, or the general concept of fun.
Barnes, however, bypassed the system entirely.
Coworkers say the joke in question was about a missing donut.
“He just smirked,” said witness Daniel Ruiz. “Not even a full laugh. Just a tiny amused exhale through the nose. I didn’t think it was a crime — but the alarms went off instantly.”
Within minutes, Barnes was escorted to a Correctional Chuckle Center, where he will undergo a mandatory six-week program titled Healing From Humor: Rediscovering Life Without Levity.
Officials say the crackdown is necessary to prevent emotional harm.
“Laughter is unpredictable and therefore dangerous,” explained Tidewell. “Someone, somewhere, might have been offended. We can’t take that risk.”
The new law establishes that all humor must be approved at least 72 hours before delivery, accompanied by a 14-page sensitivity impact statement and a notarized affidavit confirming the joke will not evoke joy in unintended demographics.
Critics argue that banning comedy is extreme, but were quickly silenced after regulators declared their criticism “sarcastic adjacent,” which is now a misdemeanor.
Barnes has apologized for his actions, stating, “I shouldn’t have let happiness sneak up on me like that.”
Authorities confirm he will be allowed supervised smiling again sometime next spring — pending paperwork.
Because someone has to say it…
#BeforeStupid #Comedy
