City Replaces Pledge of Allegiance With Daily Apology Circle to Address Historical Everything
In a bold display of civic self-reflection, the city of West Harmony Heights announced that public schools will no longer
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Wednesday, May 13, 2026
Latest:
- Experts Warn Saying ‘Good Job’ Creates Unfair Performance Expectations
- Neighborhood Declares Curfews ‘Authoritarian’ — Teens Now Governed by Vibes
- Nationwide Study Finds Most Adults Are Just Exhausted From Pretending This All Makes Sense
- City Renames ‘Failure’ as ‘Pre-Success’ to Improve Morale
- Museum Removes Historical Timeline — Visitors Free to Experience the Past in Any Order They Feel
Culture
Local Vegan Outraged That Neighbor’s Lawn Contains Grass — Claims It Promotes Eating Plants
Residents of the Maple Ridge eco-community were thrown into turmoil this week after local vegan activist River Sunblossom filed a
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Pantone Announces ‘Cloud White’ as Color of the Year — Activists Immediately Declare It Racist
Pantone, the global authority on color, unveiled its highly anticipated Color of the Year this week: a soft, airy shade
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Local Child Surprised to Learn Her Friends Are Now Adults Because Schools Changed Grades to ‘Feelings Levels’
Chaos erupted at Meadowbrook Elementary this week after eight-year-old student Lily Marsh discovered that her classmates were suddenly considered adults
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Portland Unveils 75-Foot Christmas Tree, Immediately Insists It’s Not a Christmas Tree — Just ‘The Tree’
Portland, Oregon kicked off the holiday season this week with the ceremonial lighting of a 75-foot-tall Christmas tree — though
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Major CEO Says His Company Is ‘Fully Anti-Woke’ — Employees Rejoice, Cancelled Coffee Table Now Worth $5 Billion
Wall Street was sent into euphoria this week after TitanTech CEO Brock Ironwell boldly announced that his company is now
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City Defunds Police, Shocked To Learn Criminals Didn’t Get The Memo
In a surprising turn of events that no reasonable adult could have predicted, officials in the city of Clearwater Heights
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Americans Encouraged To Quit Jobs, Chase Dreams Of Full-Time Government Check Collecting
In what economists are calling “a bold new chapter in national ambition,” federal officials this week unveiled a groundbreaking initiative
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Local Man Stands for National Anthem; Community Demands Immediate Sensitivity Training
In an incident that experts are already calling “the most offensive act of patriotism this week,” a local man caused
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