City Replaces Pledge of Allegiance With Daily Apology Circle to Address Historical Everything
In a bold display of civic self-reflection, the city of West Harmony Heights announced that public schools will no longer recite the Pledge of Allegiance. Instead, every morning will begin with a Daily Apology Circle, allowing students to apologize for “anything that may have ever happened, anywhere, at any time, to anyone.”
Superintendent Willow Sage-Morningstar explained that the traditional pledge was “too confident, too patriotic, and too decisive,” all of which violate the district’s new Emotional Modesty Policy.
“Our goal,” she said, “is to raise children who never feel proud without permission.”
The Apology Circle begins with students lowering their heads, shuffling into a symbolic huddle, and reciting the district’s new affirmation:
“I am sorry for the past, the present, and anything that might occur in the future. I am sorry for what I did, what I might do, and what someone else once did that I probably benefited from. I am sorry for existing.”
Teachers are instructed to ring a Tibetan singing bowl between apologies to allow emotional echoes to dissipate properly.
Students must then take turns apologizing to objects in the classroom, such as:
- Chairs (for sitting on them)
- Desks (for writing too firmly)
- Walls (for leaning without consent)
- The class plant (for exhaling carbon dioxide too close)
Parents have expressed concern.
“My daughter came home apologizing to the refrigerator for being cold,” said one mother. “I’m not sure this is healthy.”
But district officials insist the program fosters global awareness.
“America should lead the world in apologies,” said Sage-Morningstar. “Other nations may have achievements and strong national identities — but do THEY apologize with this level of commitment?”
To further promote humility, the district plans to remove the American flag from classrooms and replace it with a large mirror so students can reflect on their emotional impact.
As of press time, West Harmony Heights was drafting next month’s module:
“Advanced Apologizing: Saying Sorry Before You Even Know Why.”
As always…Because someone has to say it.
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