Study Finds Hard Work Causes Inequality—Laziness Declared a Protected Condition
Participation trophies issued retroactively. In a groundbreaking new study that bravely confirms what no one working believed, researchers have concluded
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Wednesday, May 13, 2026
Latest:
- Experts Warn Saying ‘Good Job’ Creates Unfair Performance Expectations
- Neighborhood Declares Curfews ‘Authoritarian’ — Teens Now Governed by Vibes
- Nationwide Study Finds Most Adults Are Just Exhausted From Pretending This All Makes Sense
- City Renames ‘Failure’ as ‘Pre-Success’ to Improve Morale
- Museum Removes Historical Timeline — Visitors Free to Experience the Past in Any Order They Feel
Politics
Experts Warn: Common Sense Now Considered a Gateway Belief
Early symptoms include asking follow-up questions. In a startling new development, experts are warning that common sense may be the
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History Textbooks Updated: America Founded in 2015 After a Group Project
Founders downgraded to problematic footnotes. In a bold step toward modernizing education, history textbooks nationwide have been updated to reflect
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City Council Votes to Replace ‘Right and Wrong’ With ‘Personal Interpretive Outcomes’
In a unanimous decision applauded by everyone present (enthusiastically and without hesitation), the Brookhaven City Council voted to officially replace
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City Removes Benches Because Sitting Encourages ‘Problematic Stillness’
In a bold step toward eliminating all unsupervised thinking, the city of New Harmony Springs announced this week that it
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Streaming Giant Introduces ‘Inclusion Tax’ — Your Monthly Invoice Now Includes Virtue Credits
In a move industry analysts describe as “peak 2025 nonsense,” streaming titan FlixFlare+ announced a new monthly surcharge called the
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Americans Encouraged To Quit Jobs, Chase Dreams Of Full-Time Government Check Collecting
In what economists are calling “a bold new chapter in national ambition,” federal officials this week unveiled a groundbreaking initiative
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Local Man Stands for National Anthem; Community Demands Immediate Sensitivity Training
In an incident that experts are already calling “the most offensive act of patriotism this week,” a local man caused
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