America Introduces ‘National Quiet Hour’ — Silence Required So No One Is Accidentally Offended
In a sweeping move toward nationwide emotional safety, federal officials announced the creation of National Quiet Hour, a daily, mandatory period of silence designed to prevent accidental offense.
“Noise can be triggering,” said Department of Social Calm spokesperson Luna Whisperfield. “Words can offend. Laughter can exclude. Even breathing can feel aggressive if done loudly.”
During Quiet Hour, citizens are required to:
- Speak only in whispers (if necessary)
- Avoid laughter, clapping, or sighing
- Walk softly
- Breathe respectfully
- Refrain from opinions
Violations will result in gentle reminders, followed by mandatory silence training.
Businesses are required to dim lights, mute music, and replace conversation with inspirational quotes projected on walls. Radio stations now broadcast uninterrupted silence, interrupted only by occasional reminders to “remain calm and non-expressive.”
Some Americans welcomed the change.
“I finally don’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing,” said one participant. “I just don’t say anything.”
Others were less enthusiastic.
“I sneezed,” said one man. “Three people flinched.”
Officials insist Quiet Hour is about unity.
“When no one speaks,” Whisperfield said, “no one disagrees.”
As of press time, lawmakers were debating whether Quiet Hour should be expanded to Quiet Day, Quiet Week, or possibly Quiet Citizenship.
As always…Because someone has to say it.
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