HR Department Introduces Pronoun Training for Inanimate Objects
Desks reportedly offended by being called ‘it.’
In a move hailed as a major step forward for workplace inclusion, several corporations have begun rolling out mandatory pronoun training for inanimate objects.
According to internal memos, common office items such as desks, staplers, filing cabinets, and conference-room chairs will no longer be referred to as “it,” a term consultants now describe as “structurally dismissive.”
“Our office environment contains many identities,” explained one HR director. “It’s time we stop assuming their material composition.”
Employees are now required to ask office furniture how it identifies before using it in conversation. Laminated pronoun cards have been placed on desks, while copy machines will soon display rotating identity badges updated quarterly.
Early training sessions include role-playing exercises where staff practice apologizing to malfunctioning printers and affirming the emotional boundaries of coat racks.
One employee admitted the transition has been challenging. “I spent ten years blaming the copier,” he said. “Now I understand we were miscommunicating.”
HR departments insist the program is not about language—it’s about growth. “When people learn to navigate complex relationships with office furniture,” one facilitator noted, “human conversations become much easier to avoid.”
A follow-up seminar, Listening to Your Desk, is already scheduled.
