Nation Engages in Heated Bathroom Debate While Restrooms Remain Totally Disgusting

In a stunning revelation that shocked absolutely no one who has ever stepped inside a gas station restroom, the nation is once again tearing itself apart over bathroom policies—despite the fact that every restroom in America is still horrifyingly disgusting.

While activists, institutions, and federal agencies passionately argue over who should use which bathroom, ordinary Americans continue to tiptoe or hopscotch their way past unflushed surprises, mystery puddles, and that one broken stall door that’s been hanging crooked since 1987.

Experts Weigh In

According to the National Association of People With Common Sense (NAPWCS), the debate has missed one small detail:

“Every public restroom is a biohazard. Nobody wants to be in there. The floor is lava.”

Despite this, national attention remains laser-focused on identity politics, leaving behind more pressing concerns such as:

• Why are all the toilet paper dispensers engineered to make you use only two squares?
  
  
• Who is the individual destroying the seat in every Walmart across America?
  
  
• Why, in a nation that put men on the moon, can’t we keep a restroom clean for more than 14 minutes?
  
  

Government Solution Incoming

Sources inside Washington reveal that the government is preparing a new $60 million “Inclusive Bathroom Task Force,” whose primary responsibility will be drafting a 280-page memo titled:

“Everyone Is Welcome, Even Though It’s Disgusting In Here.”

The memo reportedly includes:

• A nonbinary stick-figure mascot wearing a hazmat suit
  
  
• A new federal standard defining “acceptable puddle depth”
  
  
• Mandatory emotional support iguanas outside all restrooms in California
  
  

Local Reactions

The average American remains baffled.

One mother of three told reporters,

“Listen, I don’t care who goes where—I just want a restroom where the soap dispenser isn’t empty and the hand dryer doesn’t sound like an asthmatic squirrel.”

Meanwhile, a construction worker added,

“At this point, I’d settle for a toilet that flushes without the force of a jet engine.”

Carmen Sense Responds

Our fearless duck mascot, Carmen Sense, offered a simple solution:

“Fix the bathrooms first. Debate later. And for heaven’s sake, stop walking around like none of you see those puddles.”

Wise words from the only creature brave enough to enter a truck stop restroom without calling for backup.

Because someone has to say it.